No less than twenty topics crossed my mind since I last wrote, but I couldn't find the time to sit and write about any of them. Blame it on the book launch, my birthday, my son's birthday, a trip to Colorado, the visitation of a dear soul, medical tests. Actually, don't blame anyone or anything. Life simply happens, but now I find myself staring at the date, realizing I only have a few hours left if I expect to squeeze in one post before March roars in like a lion. Or blows in like a lamb. Or springs up like daffodils. I'm not sure how March arrives, really.
Life has been full and rewarding lately, yet reality is beginning to hit fairly hard, suggesting I give up something because I'm beginning to feel like Stretch Armstrong. Remember him?
find concert venues for someone whose message and music I fancy. The great part is I love it all and want to do it all. I love the people involved. I no longer choose to work with people I wouldn't care to be around. (Though I realize God could place me in an environment where He's more concerned with building my character through difficult people than He is with how many sushi and salad luncheons I get to enjoy over meaningful conversations with others I cherish.)
Now here's the reality. I can't do it all. Not even half of it well. Oh, and did I mention I'm attempting to raise three children who at the very least won't make Mommy Dearest comparisons of me in their future memoirs?
Over a year ago, I would have thought I could do it all...nearly. Maybe not with the best attitude, but I would have been capable and proficient. So what happened? A breast cancer diagnosis that rendered me incapable of burning both ends of the candle. Prior to breast cancer I was the master of staying up late and rising before the sun to complete my work. A simple cup of coffee eliminated the sleepies and powered me to keep running like a little machine. But now...Now......
My insomnia rules the roost. It's one of the many side effects of Tamoxifen that I take daily. So, if I care to get any sleep at all, it means I must take supplements or one of a couple sleep aides prescribed by my physician. If you're familiar with sleep aides, you know there's no taking one then setting your alarm to awake 5 hrs. later. No. If you want any semblance of sleep you must try to sleep off the effects of the medications, which take, on average, 8 hours. All the amount of coffee grown in South Sudan won't wake you if you don't get the full amount of sleep.
Believe it or not, this little loss of freedom bothered me...a lot...up until a couple of weeks ago. I'm not sure of exactly when or why or how the switch flipped but I finally had to concede that there are only so many hours in a day and what I can't accomplish in my sixteen hours of awake time just doesn't get done. I can learn to work smarter, perhaps a little faster when I'm not fatigued, but I can't work longer. It's part of my "new normal" as those of us in the cancer world are accustomed to hearing.
Interestingly, researchers have conducted studies linking the lack of sleep to breast cancer. You can read about one such study HERE. Maybe when I was younger I should have been more concerned with getting ample shuteye than wearing aluminum-free deodorant.
Now, I attempt to do a better job of how I spend my hours.
"So, then, be careful how you live. Do not be unwise but wise, making the best use of your time because the times are evil. Therefore, do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is."
~ Ephesians 5:15-17
And sister (or brother) our heavenly Father knows exactly how much time you and I have in a day. He knows and understands our limitations. And His will for us CAN get accomplished in the amount of time we have. He wouldn't will for me, or for you, what would be impossible for us to complete. It may require His divine assistance, but I believe the Lord wants to be included in all that we endeavor.
Well, gotta go. Time to take my med then go to bed!
With poetry like that, maybe I could start working for Hallmark cards?
On second thought...
Funny that the title "Author" appears above this description yet I have no idea what to share about myself in this space! How about my first name is Kim. My last name is Tisor. Tisor rhymes with miser, though I try not to be one.
For more information about me, please visit the author page.