Bump in the Night, Lump in the Breast...Both are Kinda Scary

For nearly five years my body reluctantly rolled out of bed between 3:15 & 3:45, depending on how important I thought bathing was for the day. That’s what you do when you host a morning show. Guess I’m kind of an oddball because I liked being up early, driving into work in the pitch black feeling as if I was the only one in the world who was awake. My favorite time to cruise the empty streets was when serenity blanketed our Colorado town with newly fallen snow.

One morning, however, as I exited the house to head to the radio station my heart seized with fear. I saw out of the corner of my eye what appeared to be an apparition. It was eerily large, white, and flowing. Sheer, sudden fright prevented my head from turning directly toward what I presumed was visiting me from the netherworld.

No, this isn't exactly what I saw. I nabbed this from the internet because I didn't have any personal pictures of ghosts handy. But this resembles what I saw. You'd be scared, too!

As I stood paralyzed and alone in the driveway my mind tried to make sense of what was there. “There’s a logical explanation for this. It’s not what you think. Be brave,” I assured myself, while the electricity that shot up my spine into my skull began to dissipate. I slowly forced my inert body toward and into the car, then quickly shut and locked the door. With the car started, I finally mustered the courage to turn my head in the direction of what I sensed was still there…and it was. My sleepy eyes strained to focus on what turned out to be toilet paper hanging from our neighbors' trees. Someone had TPd their house overnight!

Talk about some good fodder for the radio show that morning! We opened our first break with the X-Files theme song as I shared my “ghostly encounter” and had a good laugh.

For you young whipper-snappers this was the BEST SHOW back in the day! Won't say when 'cuz I'd date myself. Can't have that.

It’s funny how today I repeatedly have that same pep talk with myself that I had those many years ago frozen on the pavement.  Whenever there’s a strange sensation in my head, or I experience shortness of breath, have a dull ache in my remaining breast, unexplained leg pain, etc… I wonder if cancer has spread and tell myself, “Kim, there’s a logical explanation for this. It’s not what you think. Be brave.”

Four days from now will be my 1-year anniversary, denoting when my surgeon called with biopsy results indicating my breast cancer diagnosis. I plan to mark the special occasion with a mammogram and maybe some cake. Because nothing says let's celebrate cancer like a mammogram and a pretty bakery cake. Frankly, anytime you have a mammogram it should be followed up with cake. Cake makes all things better. It's the grown-up Band-Aid.

I'm convinced Heaven has a bakery and it looks something like this.

As the anniversary approaches, strange physical symptoms pop up throughout my body like pinball machine lights. Honestly, I don’t worry…but I do wonder…repeating to myself, “There’s a logical explanation for this. It’s not what you think. Be brave.”  It’s in these times of pondering that I’m especially thankful for the strength I derive from Christ and Sacred Scripture. 

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”
~ Joshua 1:9

“Those who know your name trust in you, for you, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you.” ~ Psalm 9:10

“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” ~ Romans 15:13

Truthfully, moments exist when I wish I could return to my carefree past when the scariest thing I confronted was toilet paper blowing in the wind.  But then I consider how far I’ve come. To turn back the hands of time would be to lose what I’ve gained through real life experience… which is knowing God is God, that He is with me, and that He is for me. I need not fear.

Don’t let what goes “bump in the night” steal your hope or joy, but trust in the Lord and be brave.

Happy Halloween